Nobody Understands Paul Krugman or FEAR IN THE HEARTS OF

Posted: January 7, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,
0

Paul Krugman delivered yet another post decrying that lack of honest economic understanding in today’s political discussion, a neglect which – if one is to even briefly consider the extent of what he’s talking about – borders on criminality. Officials elected to manage national economic policy who themselves do not understand even the most basic tenets of macroeconomics exacerbate the worst form of hucksterism – where those responsible for swindling Americans out of their money do not even realize that they’re doing it. At least the evil genius has a lair he must maintain: some increase in employment is to be expected.

I’m just joking about that picture. But I hope that you are picking up what I am laying down. Here is Krugman’s article:

Deficit-worriers portray a future in which we’re impoverished by the need to pay back money we’ve been borrowing. They see America as being like a family that took out too large a mortgage, and will have a hard time making the monthly payments.

This is, however, a really bad analogy in at least two ways.

First, families have to pay back their debt. Governments don’t — all they need to do is ensure that debt grows more slowly than their tax base. The debt from World War II was never repaid; it just became increasingly irrelevant as the U.S. economy grew, and with it the income subject to taxation.

Second — and this is the point almost nobody seems to get — an over-borrowed family owes money to someone else; U.S. debt is, to a large extent, money we owe to ourselves.

This is why I was getting so burned up over the idiocy surrounding the raising of the debt ceiling. So long as monies are available to pay the investors their interest, everything will be fine. We don’t have to worry about any kind of run on the national debt because if China dumped all of their US treasuries two things could immediately happen. China could lose one of their largest clients and the US could turn right around and dump all of their foreign holdings. Which would, of course, be fatally stupid. No forward thinking institution could fathom initiating such lunacy.

Krugs:

It’s true that foreigners now hold large claims on the United States, including a fair amount of government debt. But every dollar’s worth of foreign claims on America is matched by 89 cents’ worth of U.S. claims on foreigners. And because foreigners tend to put their U.S. investments into safe, low-yield assets, America actually earns more from its assets abroad than it pays to foreign investors. If your image is of a nation that’s already deep in hock to the Chinese, you’ve been misinformed.

I will admit, I read this article two days ago and have since become less incensed. I had a head full of steam about the retarded things that Mitt Romney all of the Republican candidates say and do and will continue to say and do. I had all sorts of Nazi-cards to play. It’s been a long week at work, and I’m too tired to get that worked up again now that it’s over. I’ll have to hold onto it until the next outrageous thing happens that will drive me further away from voting straight-ticket Libertarian again and instead loudly voicing approval for Barack Obama’s candidacy because he at least appears to have a rudimentary understanding of how to spend your way out of a recession if only the opposition will retract their anti-tax talons for one compromise-infested second.

A balanced budget is not the elimination of debt. Rather, it simply allows that debits equal credits. Are you at least making as much as you’re spending? Good. Your budget is balanced. Need to buy that new car or that shiny enhanced infrastructure? You can take on debt to pay for it – this is what modern economics was invented to do. Please read the article. Paul Krugman is an Nobel Prize-winning economist and can explain everything much more eloquently than I. In fact, try to read each of his columns. He only puts out a few each week and it’s probably the single most valuable thing you can do to enhance your understanding of economics. This makes you better citizen and person in general.

I’ll just ask this question, and may I add this preface: If the problem is the size of the debt, let’s assume that we’ve eliminated it. What do we do next?

Syrianuhnah nuhNAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Posted: December 10, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,
0

Barbara Walters interviewed Syrian president Bashar al-Assad on December 8th concerning the slew of violence that we’ve all seen broadcast from that country for the last several months.

She makes several references to the crackdown and was clearly trying to get the president to admit that he had either lost control of his government, and thusly the legitimate right to authority, or that he was in full control of the forces and had therefore directly ordered the slaughter of civilians. Assad attempted to make a distinction between acts of official policy and isolated incidents of individual decisions to engage in violence. Many of his responses have been discredited because his answers didn’t sound convincing since he has a funny accent. How could he be telling the truth?

President al-Assad places the blame on internal dissidents intent on using this opportunity to get the people and the government to fight each other. This is the same story that Qaddafi tried to use, albeit unsuccessfully. Is it so hard to believe, though? Is it at least possible that there are people willing to stoke popular discontent and accuse the government of indecency in order to orchestrate a transfer of power to some sort of shadow organization? He also blames western media for distorting events in an attempt to paint the world as essentially good where people want to work hard and build and prosper but for the evil governments who are holding them rigidly in place.

I am willing to go along with the possibility that insidious elements may be at work within the Syrian revolutionary scene. If I had an agenda which required a weaker government and saw an opportunity to get the people to turn on them, I would likely take it – all price tags are written in Syrian blood. And I am almost positive that American media outlets are manipulating the news, although perhaps not to the extent that Assad suggests. If men in power, such as Assad, are guilty of killing their own citizens – as most of the networks and major papers appear to claim  - then governments such as ours, who only detain citizens indefinitely, are still the heroes, and everything that Reagan said to make us feel good is still true.

On that note, I have just designed the rudiments of my new D&D campaign. We’ll probably be using the Pathfinder rules, although I need to talk to someone who has actually run a game with them instead of just going off this. I would have to assume that it’s a ton of fun, and well balanced.

Hello, I must be going!

Posted: December 3, 2011 in Uncategorized
0

I’ve been reluctant to give any sort of update on what’s been going on here in Phoenix for the last little bit. My reasons aren’t reprehensible, reprehensive. Not a bit reprehensible – it’s so defensible. I’ve been trying to keep it real on the tweeters, but it’s been kind of difficult for reasons which should soon become clear to you. Honestly, the most accurate account of my daily activity since I arrived is by checking Foursquare. It should show that I’ve been going to work, the grocery store, and the gas station. My word, I live such an exciting and lackadaisical lifestyle.

There was something of a delay in starting work. The exact reasons are unspecified, but I suspect that it was related to the extra days I took mailing my officially obtained fingerprints back to the responsible agency within the bank’s network. I dropped them off at a Fedex box after final pickup on a Friday night. I would assume that this triggered extra delays being added onto the time before I was cleared to handle tens of thousands of dollars with only reactionary oversight. I could be the inside man, after all. Precautions are necessary in environments such as these. Naturally, I received final notification of clearance six days after I arrived – this was a Tuesday. Orientation is only offered on Mondays, five days hence.

At this point Ryan and I essentially had a competition to see who could take the biggest lead against the rest of our friends in The Elder Scrolls V. This was a productive use of my time. I played a thief, and I went everywhere unseen: killing many.

I was finally able to start training two weeks ago. I wasn’t expecting it to be overly challenging, since this is less of a job than what I had before. It does pay more, which is nice. And it will have more opportunities to exercise my sales abilities. My hope is to get noticed by the necessary talentseekers so that I can get bumped up to personal banker before the end of next summer. My comic book budget will benefit from the extra income.

I think I like the people with whom I will be working. Everyone seems to have the required amount of personality quirks to make daily work at least somewhat interesting.

Training ended today. It was sad to see everyone part ways. I was expecting a more formal dismissal, but it didn’t happen. As such, everyone took off all at once and I was made to scramble for contact information. I realized yesterday that the largest percentage of my time in Phoenix has been spent training with them and that now I will likely never see them again. It’s not like I’m upset; I’ve never had difficulty befriending people in a new place. This event has simply made me take pause. I did manage some Facebook outreach and an Xbox Live gamertag on my way out the door.

I’m part of another blog besides this one now. It is called Activities With Friends. A group of our university chums have conspired to participate in a rotating, weekly activity and blog about their experiences with each one. It’s been a lot of fun so far, since everyone lives in different parts of the country/world these days. It’s nice to collaborate on stuff again.

This post probably lacks its usual lyrical flair. I’ll admit that I am exhausted. It’s been a long couple of weeks and I am glad that it is the weekend. Right now Ryan is playing the new Assassin’s Creed. He should be done soon at which point we’ll start the second season of Deadwood. It’s hard to recall if this is my fourth or fifth time through the show, but it doesn’t matter. It’s a wonderful program. It seems Ian McShane followed it up with an NBC bit called Kings. It’s supposed to mirror the story of King David in a modern setting. It was cancelled after the first season for failing to find an audience. Reviews indicate that this is a fucking shame. He also did a show called Lovejoy back in the day for the BBC about a less than scrupulous antique dealer. If I remember correctly, it ran from 1986 until 1994 and it will be a treat to watch.

I’m reading David McCullough’s biography of Harry Truman. I’ve barely started it and am only at the part where his ancestors were slogging their way out west through Missouri in 1854. Missouri is probably my least favorite state in these united, and I couldn’t give a flying fuck about what happens in it. This is supposed to be a critically acclaimed book, so I expect that it gets interesting at some point. I also have a ton of comics to get through, both newly acquired and archived.

More on this later. I want a beer and I intend to get one.

Pidgeotto: (Yesterday was a) Whirlwind GO

Posted: November 8, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,
4

Good morning, friends, and let me just say that I am writing a blog post. How do I know this? You are reading it (get out of my head! you may be observed to shout).

Which is entirely unnecessary, I should add. My getting out of your head, that is. You must keep reading. Was that confusing for you? I should hope so – parentheses were used I appropriately (and for good reason.)

ALL OF THIS WILL BE EXPLAINED LATER. NOW IS CLEARLY NOT CONVENIENT.

We left Michigan yesterday at 0320. I have forgotten my beard trimmer, my electric razor (for that ‘lectric shave), and the power cord for my Nook. I hope they don’t band together into some sort of robut bent on, I don’t know, shaving books. Because that would be largely a waste of effort on its part and I hate to see effort expended inefficiently. I shall send for my things. In the meantime, pages will need to be trimmed the old fashioned way – purging through fire.

The early departure was Dad’s idea. He is also known for such great ideas as wanting my first name to be “Ivan” (sans quotation marks), and for reading the Wall Street Journal. The plan was that he would drive to Indiana while I slept and then we would trade responsibilities. Naturally, his first move was to insist that no music or radiocast (indeed, any sound at all) be suffered a place in this automobile during the early morning shift. This is fine (in fact, it is happening right now, too) although it does make falling asleep more of a deliberate action instead of one which occurs passively. I made it as far as exit 105 on I-69 (is that where the Lion’s Den Adult Superstore is located? Perhaps the billboard? I do not know) before I began drifting in and out.

6 (six) hours later we were nearing the stunning academic stronghold of Bloomington, Indiana. This city is remarkable for housing both the University of Indiana and a certain Mister and Missus William George Sprague.

Following a well-delivered but poorly received set of directions we found ourselves at some sort of breakfasting establishment known to the locals as THE BAKEHOUSE. This is likely derivative of the full name, which was The (something something) Bakehouse. I’m uncomfortable about the comma in the last sentence. It was lovely to catch up with George, albeit in truncated fashion, and the buzzcuts and gravy were fantastic. We then fled the city, never looking back. Although we could have; the car is not so full that we can not make use of all windows.

Onward, then, to Kansas City and this Over-land Park, a city so fine that I have family living there. Notably, Uncle Mike and his children. They are my cousins, appropriately. Dad is not related to them, but all appear to get along amicably despite this. Perrys are bonded in blood, after all. It is unavoidable that Dad would have gotten some on him after all this time.

It feels like those last two sentences were trying too hard. And the thing is, they were only there to set up a fart joke which I have decided to disinclude.

This portion of the drive was largely dominated by the phat stack of compact discs I burned before we left. We have two things to listen to: a series of lectures detailing the history of Russia from Peter the Great to Gorbachev and the accumulated podcasts of Judge John Hodgman – each of these total 18 hours of listening pleasure. John Hodgman of course requires no explanation. He covered the cases of whether chili should be considered soup or not (it should not, it is, in fact, stew. such is the ruling of Judge Hodgman), whether a machine gun is a robot (or a robut), which of the friends should have the toy giraffe and what his name must be, and several others. I had heard all of these before and had not taken this into consideration when compiling these discs.

A summary of the Russian history:

Russia was culturally bankrupt until Peter the Great began introducing the Western methods and efficiencies he observed by studying foreigners while his family plotted against each other to rule to country. These introductions had the dual-effect of improving the quality of domestic institutions, legally binding the serfs to the lands they worked, and making all Russians permanently suspicious of Western ideas and each other, for that matter. What followed was an attempt by each successive leader to undo the accomplishments of their predecessor. Each time they did it a little worse, ultimately resulting in progress. And Red Marxism, from the looks of it. Won’t the tsar be surprised!

Dad decided that the perfect time to start fucking around with the gps was as we were entering Overland Park at rush hour, while it was raining, at night, and while I was driving. My tone betrayed how I felt about these conditions. I was told to calm myself lest I find myself confined to a Muscovite prison, where the beards grow long and the mind becomes weary of itself. Overland Park is an outgrowth of Kansas City. Indeed, it is so large a place, so burgeoning a metropolis that one state along cannot hold it. Although after the Chiefs/Dolphins game last Sunday each may be trying to disavow ownership.

Uncle Mike took us all out for some Kansassan BBBQ. I got something called “burnt ends” of brisket and pork, lamb ribs, and the baked beans what have the meats innum. Others had different food. I’m not going to tell you what time we were there or what the place was called. That’s what Foursquare is for and I refuse to be redundant.

After dropping Edgar (Dad) off back at Mike’s house (l’il guy was tuckered out from all ze driving (and from the knowledge that we would be leaving at 5ish the following morning)) we scooted over to the local horsepistol to see my cousin’s new baby. He’s not one of those old babies (see Andy Rooney’s interview with Ali G). Young Tyson was born with some health complications, but is eating better now and has switched to filtered cigarettes. That last bit is a joke. Mostly he farts and poops. He is a Perry (there it is! Bazinga).

Then we went back to the house and everyone went to sleep except for Madison who stayed up doing homework so that she would have everything done before going back to school today in Manhattan which was confusing at first and Markus may have stayed up being metal for hours it’s hard to say but probably not since apparently he wakes up at 5:30 each morning but then again that’s pretty metal and now we’re driving toward Oklahoma City so that we can drive really fast across Oklahoma and hopefully there hasn’t been any damage to the roads on account of the earthquakes last week because we want to make it to Albuquerque by the end of the way and hopefully we can get away from this weather system because I don’t want to drive in the rain all day.

The current temperature is 44 degrees American, the elevation was just 1337, and Dad is having difficulty adjusting the windshield wipers to avoid that atrocious dragging squeak.

And I just remembered that when we stopped to get gas yesterday there was a guy in a jeep who had run out of gas in the gas station parking lot and needed our help pushing it up the hill to the pump. He asked us for help and immediately offered us 10 dollars. I saw this as a sad reflection at least on Indiana that this guy thought that he had to pay people to be helpful. Chances are, in the past he has had to pay for precisely that. Or, he would have insisted that he be paid for such. Hopefully our pro bono carpushery has him better informed on the cooperative nature of the human spirit. A guy let me use his Kroger card at the pump the other day and I didn’t jack his 40 cent/g discount. A tsarist Russian would be amazed.

Manifest Destiny

Posted: November 7, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags:
0

I’m moving to Phoenix today. We’re going to try and make it as far as Kansas City before the day is over. “We” is Dad and me. He’s driving first, so I’m going to finish writing this and then go to sleep.

1884 Convention Day 2

Posted: August 4, 2011 in 1884 Republican National Convention, Politics, Theodore Roosevelt
Tags:
0

The convention was called to order at 18 minutes past 11 the following morning. The session began with another prayer invoking the divine blessing upon the noble work they hoped to perform followed by the chair asking for any preliminary presentations.

Right out of the gate was the gentleman from Maryland with another memorial to be read from another women’s temperance league. It was at the point that our narrator decided that he was going to step out for a few hours since the business of the day was going to be comprised exclusively of reports from the committees formed the previous afternoon.

The only report of any significance was the one that provided an initial decision as to which of the contested delegates were authorized to participate in the nomination process. If I recall correctly, this was made an issue because there was a large camp of Independent delegates, with whom Roosevelt was affiliated, who wished to infiltrate the convention so as to block the nomination of Blaine. Roosevelt had something of a personal vendetta against Blaine – Roosevelt believed him the creature of notorious politico Roscoe Conkling; Conkling had blocked the election of Theodore Sr. in the race for New York City port collector. Sr. then revealed that he had bowel cancer and promptly died. Roosevelt forever linked civil service corruption with his father’s death, naturally.

It is entirely possible that I am confusing this infiltration with the New York Republican Convention in Utica earlier that year. Regardless, down with Blaine.

I have realized at this point that the only remaining pieces of worthwhile information to be gleaned from this text (440 pages, much of it reports and voting results) are going to be the nominating speeches. There’s probably a reason why none of my books spend more than 5 pages on this convention. It is still a logical beginning for the comic, however, as it sets the state for TR’s escape to the Badlands. As such, I will spare you a line-by-line summary of the remainder. I thought the Day 1 post was fun, though.

Note: I have actually started outlining the first issue. I was digging through all of my written accounts of this convention for a description of the big political move that T had made right before getting selected as a delegate. I still can’t remember, although he did compile more than a million words of reports and testimony as a result of all the hearings that he held. I’ll find it eventually, but the exciting thing in this paragraph is that I just remembered that I have photocopies of a chapter about the convention from a book about Chet Arthur that I had forgotten about. It will no doubt prove useful.

The story of the convention will be interrupted at key moments to offer flashbacks about his political efforts and his wife who had just died 4 months earlier. We will have a better appreciation of his torment at that point. I’m hoping to have the rough outline finished tonight so that I can start applying dialogue and arranging panels.

Anyone who wants to play editor with me is more than welcome to get involved.

Preliminary bull moosery

Posted: August 2, 2011 in 1884 Republican National Convention, Politics, Theodore Roosevelt
Tags: , ,
0

Theodore Roosevelt’s first real foray into national politics came in 1884 when he was sent to Chicago for the Republican National Convention. Prior to this, his political experience had consisted of working as a New York state assemblyman for two terms. His campaign for civil service reform – indeed, the elimination of corruption in all circles – brought him such attention so as to be selected to serve as a convention delegate. Chet Arthur was the sitting Republican president, but he had made no serious effort to seek the nomination for a second term. It would later be revealed that this was because he was terminally ill. He would, in fact, die within a few short months of leaving office. This opened up the opportunity for any number of characters to pursue the nomination. Much drama and backroom dealing took place at the

1884 REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION

Official proceedings:
Dwight M. Sabin called the convention to order at 12:28 in the afternoon.
The invocation was then delivered by the Really Reverend Frank M. Bristol.

The call for the convention

The Secretary of the National Committee read the official call for the convention. It was a prepared passage which had been drafted by the committee several whiles prior in order to state the intent to hold such a convention and the means through which it would be carried out. The reading of such a document appears to have largely been a formality, since the convention was already under way. It is unlikely that the delegates present were unaware that they were in attendance to nominate the Republican candidate for President. Unless they were some deaf old Civil War veteran who suffered from, among other things, being old and deaf.

“I remember when all we had to eat was hardtack soaked in piss and some maggoty bacon… oh hello, what is this room full of people voting?”

Dwight Sabin, at this point, having rightly ignored such silliness as demonstrated above, delivered the opening address. He’s from Minnesota – this may be important. He’s also the opening chairman of the convention. This explains why he is calling the convention to order and delivering the opening address without contest. To summarize, Sabin praises the purpose of their gathering. “Welcome to Chicago,” he says. “Chicago is a good city for a Republican convention. It is quite Lincolny.”

The next step was to nominate the temporary chairman – the individual that was to oversee the floor for the actual selection of the candidate. Sabin suggested a one-armed man named Powell Clayton. This was immediately called into question, and the tone of the convention began to establish itself.

John Cabot Lodge (MA): I nominate John Lynch, the Negro statesman from Mississippi.
William Morrow (CA): Must we begin this convention immediately with challenges and conflict? This attempted chairman-substitution flies in the face of all accepted tradition.
George Curtis (NY): I think that it would be a grand gesture to pick Lynch. As he is a Southerner, I believe that he is an important representative of the South.
Josiah Drummond (MN): Why the fuck did you wait until the convention had already begun to start with these weird and subversive nominations. No, no, no, this doesn’t make good football sense. Let’s have a stinkin’ roll call vote.
John Stewart (PA): What is the purpose of nominating Lynch? Is he really so much more qualified than Clayton? I expect not. Therefore, this action must be purely political and, as such, is despicable to me, a politician.
Roswell Horr (MI): Voting as individuals will take forever. Let’s just vote by state and move on, eh?
Benjamin Prentiss (MO): To not pick Clayton would assign a stigma to him. ‘Look at me, country!’ it would say. ‘I’m evidently not fit to point at people who want to speak and tell them that they can speak.’ He is a good man; please be considerate.
Theodore Roosevelt (NY): We have no choice but to pick Lynch. And it is not without precedent to alter traditional convention practices. And since the substitution has been requested, we must considerate it with a vote. And this vote must be performed with a roll call of all individual delegates present; let each man be held to account for his vote. And since so much blood and treasure has been spent to restore the South to the bosom of our nation, let us consider the Southerner in this land of Lincoln.
Clark Carr (IL): If it is true that this committee has selected a poor representative to chair this convention, perhaps we should reconsider. Is Clayton fit for such a task? There are some here who would rather not investigate for fear of alienating an honored and armless veteran.
W.N. Taft (SC): If we are the ones who constitute this convention, and I believe that we are, then we are able to do whatever we want. Let us start with breaking this particular tradition. Many here would claim that Lynch represents the momentum of the party, anyway. Besides the vast majority of the committee isn’t even here in Chicago. If they wish to do us honor, as Southerners, pick Lynch and fuck all.
Patrick Winston (NC): The committee is full of shit anyway.
Chairman Sabin: Fine, whatever. We’ll do the individual roll call.
William Greene (MD): We will do it right now, if you please. I have no problem voting for Lynch. I know for an absolute certainty that my constituents will support my decision.
John Thurston (NE): Need we rush? This process is worth considering in its entirety. It is important, after all. But, if it is to be done thusly, at least let it be done honestly.
Mason Benjamin (AR): You stupid shits: have you forgotten that Clayton used to be governor of Arkansas? If I remember correctly, that is a Southern state. And not only that, he used his authority to bring in the militia and drive the KKK out entirely. Now let’s talk about who has momentum, or whatever.
C.C. Sheets (AL): Great. Now everybody knows each other. Can we vote now?
Chairman: Right, right, everybody shut up. Time for the roll call vote.

The calling of the roll

J.B. Foraker (OH): Whoa, whoa, whoa. We should be allowed to discuss this.
Chairman: Don’t talk. You’re not allowed to talk.
Arkansas: We have 13 votes for Clayton.
Georgia: The great state of Georgia casts her votes for….
Another Georgian: Don’t listen to him. That man isn’t actually a delegate for Georgia. I don’t know why he’s here. I certainly don’t know why he’s voting.
Chairman: …
Indiana: We’d like to point out that one of our delegation is here in place of the esteemed war hero General Harrison.
Entire assembly: ahhhhhhhGeneralHarrisonaahhhhhhhhhhhwelovegeneralharrisonuproaruproarahhhhhhh
Chairman: Everybody shut the fuck up. We’re trying to vote. This is already going to take all afternoon.
Massachusetts: A lot of us that are supposed to be here aren’t. It’s making voting difficult.
Chairman: That’s fine, just use the alternates.
Massachusetts: They aren’t here either.
Chairman: Then call the alternates’ alternates.
Massachusetts: Oh yeah.

At this point, the rest of the states vote in their own precarious ways. Clayton withholds his vote until he is the last one. Realizing that Lynch is already up by 39 votes, Clayton votes for Lynch – bringing the margin to a comfortable 40. Lynch is then escorted to the platform by Taft, Lodge, and Clayton.

Address of the temporary chairman

John Lynch (MS): I don’t know why you’ve asked me to do this. Thanks, I guess, but not really. I hope we don’t make any huge mistakes that will jeopardize the future of America.

Formation of standing committees

William Sewall (NJ): Aren’t we supposed to have committees? Call the state roll so that each state can say who is serving where.
Leslie Russell (NY): Wait, isn’t a convention supposed to have a secretary? I think we should have two. Let’s not do anything else until we have two secretaries.
Edward Pierce (MA): I would like to offer an amendment. Let’s create a brand new committee called THE COMMITTEE ON REVISION OF THE APPOINTMENT OF DELEGATES TO FUTURE NATIONAL CONVENTIONS, AND OF MEMBERS OF THE NATIONAL COMMITTEE.
Chairman: Uhhh, hold on.
Russell (NY): Secretaries!
*the motion for appointing secretaries carries*
Horr (MI): Can we just agree to do what we did at the last one of these so that we can continue without all of these interruptions?

Formation of Standing Committees (continued)

Chairman: Right then. Shall we call each state separately?
Russell (NY): Don’t be ridiculous.
Chairman: Fair point. Everyone just bring your lists up here, yeah?
George Massey (DE): It’s the way that we did it before. Precedents happen for a reason.

The committees formed included committees on Credentials, Permanent organizations, Rules & Order of Business, and Resolutions.

B.F. Fisher (PA): We should probably postpone recognizing Virginian delegates until such a time as we are actually able to verify their credentials. Some of them looks like some shady motherfuckers.
Chairman: Oh shit, really? Damn it, this whole thing is fucked.
P.H. Carson (DC): This faggot Conger shouldn’t be here representing DC. It pisses me off that he’s here representing DC.
Chairman: I really couldn’t give a rat’s ass. Figure it out on your own.
Curtis (NY): Right in the middle of this is probably as good as time as any to adjourn for the day. So moved.
Pierce (MA): Hold up, I have a resolution.

Revision of appointment of delegates

Pierce (MA): I move that future apportionment of members be referred to the Committee on Rules and Order of Business.
William Johnson (CA): If we’re going to do that, why not move it to Resolutions?
Turner (AL): Can we freakin’ vote already? It feels like forever since we voted. I thought we were here to vote.
E.W. Keyes (WI): Resolutions? Now? Can we at least wait until the convention has officially started? All we’ve done so far is pick who is going to write everything down.
Pierce (MA): Fuck off, let’s get this out of the way.
Bayne (PA): Ok, first of all, referring it to Resolutions is inappropriate since that committee deals with determining the principles that the party will carry throughout the development of the campaign and platform. Secondly, you’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
Johnson (CA): You make a fair point. Consider my motion withdrawn.
Curtis (MA): Speaking of committees, does anyone know where they’re supposed to meet?
Chairman: Stay here after we adjourn. Everyone in your committee will still be here; find them and pick a place.
Curtis (MA): Great! Can we adjourn, then?
Russell (NY): Wait. I really need to introduce

OWNERSHIP OF REALTY BY FOREIGNERS

Chairman: Fine, bring it forward.

W.G. Donnan (Iowa (Do not know the two-letter code for Iowa (I tried IO, IW, and IA. They all look wrong))): Before we proceed, I would like to read a memorial to the women of the temperance league.
David McClure (CA): Just send it to a committee, dingus.
Donnan (Iowa): Oh, come in. It’s really short.
Horr (MI): I have something longwinded to say concerning the reading of this memorial.
McClure (CA): whoawhoawhoa, fuck, motion withdrawn. It’ll take longer to debate you than it will to read the fuckin thing.
Horr (MI): Ahem, as I was saying, I move that no one gets to read any resolutions at all and that they all get sent to committees instead.
Chairman: Brilliant. What then of the memorial?
Donnan (Iowa): Just let me read the damned thing.

A voice calls from somewhere in the room: I object!

Lampson (OH): I move that we suspend whatever rules are keeping this man from reading the memorial.
John Gilbert (NY): Point of order – there is no rule keeping him from reading. Some of yous are just being dicks.
Chairman: I see. Go ahead, Mr. Secretary, please read the memorial.
Secretary: The Women’s Christian Temperance Union of the United States hopes that you will consider the objectives of the temperance movement in your convention.
Chairman: Thank God that’s over. Sent it to committee.
Bayne (PA): Finally. Let’s adjourn.
Chairman: We will, but first we have to deal with

OWNERSHIP OF REALTY BY FOREIGNERS

Secretary: This resolution reads in such a way as to suggest that the Irish National League be given a hearing before the Resolutions committee to discuss some crap about foreigners owning realty.
Chairman: Ok ,great. Sure. You can have a hearing.
Bayne (PA): I move to recess.
Shelby Cullom (IL): Let me say something first.
Bayne (PA): k.
Cullom (IL): One of our guys that was absent before just got here and he says that he would have voted for Clayton.
Bayne (PA): Recess?
Chairman: Vote?

*motion carried*

END OF THE FIRST DAY OF THE 1884 REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION

———————————————————————

But perhaps without as many swears. They were thinking them, though. At least we can see that politics has always been a fluid and organized creature. I can’t imagine why anyone would be dissatisfied with the flow of the above meeting. Stay tuned for Day 2. It could possibly be tomorrow, although Wednesday is New Comic Book Day, so we’ll see.

Did everyone take care to note Roosevelt’s contribution? Rather inspiring, yes? Not bad for the first words he spoke in a national forum.

a reawakening

Posted: August 2, 2011 in Uncategorized
0

Hello again. I’ve been away for some time now. I had been writing at a FAKE newspaper for the last year or so, but I’ve decided that I want to make use of this domain again. I have, after all, continued paying for it during my lapse.

You may notice that none of the old content is here. This is intended to be a fresh start with a specific focus. I will still be using the tumbls for random junk that I want to share – for example, pictures with captions too long to fit on Twitter – but I intend for this blog to remain a little more focused. I have a few certain projects that I plan on devoting more time to and I want this to be the platform for investigating them.

Welcome back to the Allport Authority.